I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
