He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
