so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
