a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
