I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
