We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
