I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
