you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
