All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
