every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
