Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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