where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
