She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize