I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
