I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had to cum in my sink.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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