i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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