I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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