Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
