dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize