like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
