I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
