We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
