Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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