If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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