i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
