Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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