Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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