did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
