So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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