I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize