We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
