Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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