genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
