Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
