I faked an abortion last night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
