She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
