For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mom said you looked used
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
