my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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