the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
