Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize