I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
