i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
handjob tips. give me some.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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