I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
