Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
