I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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