the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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