His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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