in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize