we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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