she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
