i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
