please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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