Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
