He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
