Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
