the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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