The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
