And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
