Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
