just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
