My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
