I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
