K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
