Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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