You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
