you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
